Our lives consist of a series of cycles, some uplifting, some destructive. The question is, which ones will we repeat, and which ones will we break?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a cycle is “an interval of time during which a sequence of a recurring succession of events or phenomena is completed.”

There are good cycles and bad cycles, of course; we see them all the time. Cycles surround us, but not all cycles are good. Some we desperately need to end.

I’ve seen many cycles repeat in my own family. While teenage pregnancy is a cycle that shaped my family across multiple generations, it won’t shape mine. After my grandmother gave birth to her first child at 15, she was no longer able to be a carefree child, and she had to take on one of the biggest responsibilities known to man at such an early age.  

I was conceived when my mother was 18 and still trying to navigate her way through newfound adulthood. An older cousin of mine, whom I view as an older sister, had the exact same experience at 17, a high school senior with dreams of becoming a nurse, but her dreams were left unfulfilled after she gave birth to her baby girl.

 I’ve seen similar stories ripple through my family tree, each with big dreams for themselves, but those days dissolved when reality hit too soon.

Every time it happens, I ask the same questions. Why didn’t they learn from those before them? and who is going to break the cycle?

I’ve always wondered if people fall into these cycles unknowingly. It made me wonder if it was fate, a generational curse, or something else. 

While I’m always open to hearing theories and superstitions, cycles are not destiny.

Cycles don’t just appear in teenage pregnancy. They show up in all forms: violence, addiction, and even silence. That’s why Catherine Lacy’s quote about the ‘angry man’ resonated with me.

“If you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. You will find him even when he’s not there.” 

The quote reminds me that when negativity becomes normal, it can feel inescapable. The angry man is both a person and a shadow that lingers.

This quote can be interpreted in many ways, but it’s closely linked to the topic of cycles. 

A cycle can be continued or broken. It’s truly up to you. The angry man who constantly spits in your face during verbal and physical abuse, and the man who punches and throws things at the wall, will always leave a negative effect on those around him. The ‘angry man’ does not vanish; he appears in memories, in relationships, even in ourselves.

 The mental effect of dealing with an angry man can not be disregarded. Children often get caught up in the crossfire, leaving a detrimental effect on them. It can even deter their view on relationships and love.

If you see something consistently, it could possibly become your norm. So, in turn, once the child grows and enters their own relationship, it’s likely that they won’t know healthy boundaries. They wouldn’t know how to walk away when getting physically or verbally abused. But why would they? If disrespect was a prominent factor within their household, how would they know that it’s wrong and how to avoid it for themselves? Would you say that they “fell into a cycle?”

So how do we break these cycles? The first step is naming them. Faith and self-awareness are the most powerful tools that we have. Faith, counseling, and therapy can provide powerful guidance and support, but it begins with seeing the pattern and daring to change it. 

Lauren Hall’s article, What are Generational Cycles, and Why Do They Matter? explains cycles through metaphorical baggage. She mentioned many important parts of healing and being a “cycle breaker.” 

“There may have been substance abuse, poor communication patterns, destructive reactions to conflict, explosive anger, or simply hopelessness that have been a heavy part of the “baggage” passed down for multiple generations. We don’t know how many people have been affected by this harmful baggage. We do know it’s possible to put that baggage down and pass on something healthy and hopeful to the next generation.”

The word baggage hit me because I’ve felt the weight of generations on my shoulders, too. But baggage isn’t welded to us. We can choose to set it down.

In simple words, just let go. Identify who you are, and become who you want to be. Don’t let the choices of others dictate your life. Cycles may feel inevitable, but they’re not. Just as they begin, they can end. We can write a new definition, not of endless repetition, but of hope.