Published on Wednesday, May 28, 2014 by Gabby Martinez
He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…
The blow to the face, the ringing in your ear, the sting on your cheek, the drowning feeling of indescribable sadness and forced guilt. Emptiness surrounds you, however it has to be your fault. You really must have been flirting with another guy this time, you weren’t just being nice. You begin to question your every move. Was I really staring at him? Were those text messages to my guy friend as innocent as I thought they were? I must have done something to deserve this. After all, he loves me.
I belong to him. Just one more bruise, I can hide it like the others. Just one more tear, I can wipe it like the others. Just one more piece of me degraded. I can live without that piece like I live without the others he’s taken from me.
It starts with “ Can I look through your phone?” or “Can you unfollow him on twitter?” Soon the “Can you’s?” turn into “Do its”. And you do it. For what? For the security of not being alone.
He’s all you know, and you can’t picture life without him. The invisible circle of insecurity he creates suffocates you from your friends and family.
The good times don’t always outweigh the bad. You don’t have to be married to be a victim of domestic abuse. The fancy label doesn’t justify what has happened to you, and the steps to heal don’t stop at any fancy definition.
What young women need to start doing is asking ourselves, “Why?”
Why is a sweet, two page text message apology enough for us? Why do we not love ourselves enough to leave? If only answering those questions were as simple as genuinely admitting that they should be asked in the first place.
Not all abuse is limited to physical. Emotional abuse can affect your life just as dramatically. There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. Whenever your partner makes you feel degraded or valueless it can be abusive.
Self-esteem is dependent on your perception of yourself. Only you can truly value yourself. Our generation is falling victim to the this imaginary picture of “love”. A sweet text message or one or two phone calls is the most effort it takes to keep us gasping for air under the tainted water of his “love”. Where is the chivalry in pushing send?
An abusive partner can take more than your self-esteem. Around 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from their partner. Violent relationships at a young age can have serious repercussions, putting victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, and further domestic violence.
When girls find themselves in situations with an abusive partner where a child is involved they frequently use the child as a reason to stay because they think the child needs a father. In addition, the future and safety of your child should never come second to your boyfriend. If him putting his hands on you is painful, imagine looking into the eyes of your beautiful baby and watching the same “man” you claim to need strike your kid. Now where is that bruise? Where do those tears come from? Can you fix the piece he takes away from your son or daughter so easily? Why would you ever put your child in that situation?
And if you don’t have a child then think of how hard it would be to leave if you did. You are not stuck, there’s no such thing. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship the more difficult it becomes to escape. There’s a limitless amount of help and support out there.
If you truly want it. But it all starts with exactly that. The “want”
If you have to question if something is abuse or not, it most likely is. Trust your gut instinct, you are not alone. Find help in a family member, a teacher or a close friend. Anyone can find help at loveisrespect.org