Published on Monday, September 22, 2014 by Valeria Arriaga
Shoes have become just about as irrelevant as the splattered mosquitoes that get wiped and smeared off to the sides of windshields, and that is unacceptable.
Shoes are why we can climb mountains without stabbing our feet against sharp rocks causing deep, bloody gashes that will leave disgusting scars. They are an object of complete joy, and they cover feet which is very important because feet make me uncomfortable… A shoe can say a lot about a persons’ personality depending on the way they wear them or by adding personality and revealing their inner Picasso. Shoes aren’t just protection for your feet, shoes are love, shoes are life.
Shoes come in all sizes, colors, and styles, but the best kind of shoes are Oxfords. Oxford shoes are stylish, pretty comfortable after the first heel blister heals over with a good callus, and add some height to otherwise shorter people. My collection of Oxford shoes is flourishing since I buy them anywhere, especially at thrift shops (shout out to Macklemore). I can wear Oxfords whenever I want because they can be formal and casual at the same time. They can even be adapted for working outdoors, like when putting together a killer tree house (in the sense that it will be awesome, not literally killer), so toes won’t be broken.
Plenty of people compliment my shoes, but I think they’re just influenced by the recurring fashion trend that is “hipster”. Ox shoes, as I like to call them, come in every style imaginable. There’s some with silver or gold toes, pointy or rounded toe, infinite prints and materials, and the choices of having a high heel, no heel or even platforms. The possibilities are endless! Furthermore, these shoes aren’t only for women, they’re for men too! Now everyone can look fresher than fresh and the word ‘ratchet’ might finally die.
It should be a requirement to own at least one pair of Oxfords, because wearing tennis shoes with dress pants is a no-no and you wouldn’t want to drop a hammer on your foot or step on a rusty nail. Everyone should buy Oxfords because they’re super cool and everyone will be jealous of you. But if everyone has them, no one can be jealous and there will be peace in the world. Therefore, according to my analysis, Oxford shoes are the answer to world peace.