Interest, swipe left

Finding hobbies, passion difficult for some

Everyone seems to be interested in something. I, however, fall into the category of no interests. 

I know that might not sound very realistic, and I too sometimes question if I’m actually sane.

Once upon a while ago, one of my favorite “hobbies” was drawing. I was always so interested and excited to learn new techniques, then all of a sudden I decided that every art piece, every painting, and every artist were all the same. 

From then on, I realized that I was never really interested in art because I wouldn’t have given up on something that I spent so much time on. It made zero sense to me, which leads me to where I am now. 

I’ve tried art again, only to give up the instant my pencil touched the paper. I’ve tried cooking, helping my father work on his car and computers, and working at a restaurant, and that’s only the beginning. No matter what I try, I either give up or I absolutely hate it.

I understand that there’s always going to be something that is not suited for me, but does it have to be every single thing I do?

I’ve gotten to the point where even TikTok bores me to death. YouTube has the same videos over and over. Netflix movies are just an excuse to sit on the couch all day. And going outside is skin cancer waiting to happen… the list goes on and on. 

So the question is, drum roll please, why is it hard to find and keep interests? Why is it hard to stick to one idea or activity instead of it getting boring or frustrating?

  Now, I’m no psychologist, but I believe that I’m just insane or broken. People love sports, but I hate walking. People love to sing, I hate wasting breath. People even actually like speaking in front of crowds, I’d rather stare at them. Like, seriously, I believe everything is a waste of time, so I don’t get attached to whatever I’m doing. Though it may seem bad, I don’t necessarily put my heart and soul into much of what I do. 

Some days I sit back and think to myself,  “What happened to the girl who was extremely happy in everything she did?” 

Back when I was a “happy child” everything was fun for me. Every idea I expressed, I was so excited to try. Every new hobby I found, I stayed interested in it for a very long time. Then I grew up into the old lady I am and everything is just “meh”. 

Looking back to how I was and to how I am now, it’s difficult to realize how much I’ve changed. It’s hard to imagine that as I sit here, looking at my bedroom with art all over my walls, I would stop being interested in one of the things that once captured my focus. Since then, each interest or new idea hit rock bottom within a few tries.