Jungle Jam: Nintendo character spittin’ hot bars

So the word on the street is that some fancy-schmancy song about existential crises in humans and puppets is “God’s greatest creation, praise be, praise be.” This is horrifically wrong. 

Firstly, I don’t mean to call MoM a bad song, far from it. It’s very catchy, the melody is likable, and the literal inclusion of the theme of reflection in the music video makes it a very thought-provoking song. Top it off with good singing and a cameo from Mr. Bazinga himself, and you have a wonderfully odd song for a wonderfully odd movie. 

However, this doesn’t excuse it from any flaws it has. The song is too short, clocking in at barely under 3 minutes. In that amount of time, you have to include two verses, two choruses, and a conclusion. The song has all three, but again, the length is against it. The transition from existential questioning to self-discovery is just fifteen seconds long. FIFTEEN. Seriously?! They ask the question and, directly after, answer it?! After just saying how difficult it would be to solve it?! This is a baffling and frankly unforgivable dent in an otherwise great ride.

No. If you want the real package, the heaviest, chonkiest boi in the world of music, then stop by the Nintendo 64, pick up a copy of “Donkey Kong 64,” and feel yourself being cleansed of negativity. Behold, the majesty of The DK Rap.
For the poor peck of primates who have never gotten into this groove, The DK Rap is one of Nintendo’s biggest faces put into song. The Kong is done kidnapping girls, standing on iron bars, and throwing barrels. He’s the leader of the bunch, you know him well. He’s finally back, and he has with him some hip new friends!

The purpose of this song is to give you a feel for the game and display every character’s unique abilities, such as DK’s coconut gun, Tiny’s shrinking, Lanky’s non-kinky inflation, Diddy’s jetpack, and Chunky’s… boulder throwing? (Not to mention Cranky’s sick mixing skills.)

If you just listen, the cheese and ridiculousness of the song is intended, which just blows up its meme-ability. It’s a song about primates with powers and modern weaponry, and the cheesy writing just works in its favor. Some rhymes are very slow and repetitive, and often you can tell which word in the rhyme was decided first. If this were a serious song by Ed Sheeran or Drake, it would have been memed in a mocking way. However, because it’s a jokey song by Nintendo, it works gorgeously.

The beat and instrumentation are also nothing to turn your nose at. It’s a muffled soundboard with a very solid beat and funky bass sounds. It’s not very catchy, but it’s fun and chill. Another detail that really hits home is that for each Kong’s verse, another instrument is included in the music. The goofy trumpet tells you how clumsy Lanky is, the electric guitar shows how hip and spry Diddy is, etc-. I didn’t notice this at first, but it’s just a lovely little detail that I couldn’t stop smiling at when I discovered it.
To wrap it up, the visuals and animation are just as great as the rest of the song. Just listening to the song tells you what these characters are all about, but the characters themselves, dancing and displaying their talents on a dark wooden stage, how else could they be portrayed? Plus, Chunky is there in every chorus, making the crowd suffocate with laughter  and tears at his hysterical performance! The Stooges could learn a couple things from his funny clumsiness and wacky hijinks! Chunky Kong, truly the greatest comedic genius of the 1990’s. 

To summarize? Forget Walter. Forget Gary. Forget Kermit and Piggy and Fozzy and all of the other muppets. There is no muppet. Only Kong.

There is a reason DK is the king of the jungle. He is descended from the KING of Kongs, the true majesty of all apedom! He is the true ruler of the rainforest, his majesty in fur!

Maybe it’s time for you to reflect. Are you a man? Are you a muppet? Or are you a Kong? I believe the answer is obvious.